I often tell some of my closest male friends how much I admire the fact that they work hard and sacrifice a lot of themselves to make sure their children learn the right lessons or that their kids have a good life. More often than not when I share this sentiment, it is brushed off; they don't expect compliment or reinforcement simply because they are only doing what is rightly their responsibility.
However, part of the reason I do it is because of what I see on a day to day basis, and that is young men (and to a much lesser extent, young women) who feel no sense of obligation or responsibility to do anything, including support their children. They have been raised with a sense of: "I breathe; therefore, I am entitled", and they exercise this sense of entitlement on a regular basis. I have actually had some get nearly irate with me, because I will tell them they don't qualify for certain services or programs - they honestly believe it is my job to hand them whatever they want, that I (speaking for society in general) am somehow responsible for taking care of them, and they have no responsibility in taking care of themselves. Of all the things I deal with, this one aspect is probably the most frustrating.
I have heard before how we have created this generation of: "Me, first!", and I believe it. We have become so fearful of damaging a child's "delicate" self esteem that instead of building character in our children, we have turned them into, for lack of a better phrase, a bunch of spoiled brats. I often use the example of the ribbons at the award ceremonies - when every child gets the same ribbon regardless of whether he (or she) showed up every day, practiced hard, and always played his (or her) best, or if he (or she) simply went at it half assed, knowing a reward was waiting, whether earn or not. Not only does this diminish the achievement of the one who did everything right, teaching him that all his hard work was pointless, so why bother; but it is a disservice to the one who did nothing at all, because he learns that he doesn't have to work for what he wants, because it is going to be there anyway. Not only that, but it doesn't force the latter to learn how to deal with disappointment, nor to explore whatever ability he might possess which will provide him with that sense of self satisfaction. Face it...we cannot all be great athletes, scholars, musicians, or writers, be we all have something which sets us apart from everyone else.
A lot of these kids also have never been held accountable for their actions; many who are my age or older remember getting a swat on the ass when we misbehaved, and no one thought twice about it. Now, a spanking is considered child abuse. If we acted up at school, not only were we subject to the corrective actions of the administration, but also the corrective actions of our parents (or in my case, grandparents and uncle). However, if a child acts up now, then the parents often lay the blame on everyone else; the school system, the teachers, the friends, or the phase of the moon, rather than look at their child as being the source of their child's problem. (I have become rather notorious for telling misbehaving children to sit down and knock "it" off; more so than not, I get a look from an often very young parent saying, how...dare...I...chastise....her...kids! Anyone who knows me also knows just how far this look goes with me.)
To a lesser extent, I blame our every burgeoning mental health industry; I cannot tell you how many times I have heard the phrase: "I can't work because I have (insert favorite three letters of the alphabet here)." I hear about their OCD, ADHD, BP, PAD, ODD, and whatever other infirmity they can come up with (other than L-A-Z-Y). I'm not saying these disorders aren't real, or that they don't have an immense effect on people's lives, because I know for a fact they do. I have friends who fight depression on a daily basis, but the difference is that even though the depression is very real, they also know it has to be dealt with because their lives require it, and they do just that; whether through medication, yoga, herbs or simple determination (in fact, some I know will put off even getting help because they are ashamed of having anything wrong at all). Yet for these kids, this isn't the case. For them, it is not just an excuse, but a badge of honor. It is so easy for them to find a doctor who will tell them what they want to hear, throw some pills at them, and let them be on their way; again, this trivializes the disorders for those who truly have them and need help, and teaches others that if they don't want to do anything, just go get diagnosed with something and they are set.
I read somewhere that for the first time in our history, we are raising a generation less educated than the one before it, and I can believe that. Every generation has had its share of those who do nothing with their lives but coast through, looking for the next handout (my own mother is case in point); but this generation is different, and it is a monster of our own creation. In the effort of pop psychology to keep our kids from being "damaged" by failure or disappointment, or by "expecting too much" from them, the incentive to achieve and do well has disappeared. In turn, not only do they have no respect for others, but in reality, none for themselves. I, personally, would not want to live with the idea of someone else taking care of me (in fact, my ego has gotten me in trouble once or twice, like pulling out my sutures by loading hay on a trailer two days after surgery...oops). I also have friends who, despite being sicker than hell, will ingest large amounts of cold medicine and force their way through the day, rather than burden someone else with their responsibilities. But this generation has grown up thinking it is "special", and expecting to be taken care of.
I don't think the entire generation is that way, either; I see a lot of really, really good kids, raised by really good parents, including those I express admiration to (and who basically thing I am off my rocker for pointing it out). I just hope there is enough of the good to balance out the not so good; for every one who comes in telling me how tough he (or she) has it, there is another who is working his (or her) ass off to make it through college or trade school so he (or she) can be self sufficient. I am also not saying that we don't all need a little help from time to time, but that we show our children to seek this out only as a necessity, not as a way of life. They are lessons I hope to impart on my own children; disappointment is part of life, but learning how deal with it is what makes us better people, and what you want in life means a whole lot more if you work for it and earn it, than if someone just hands it to you. And when I tell them "no", it isn't because I don't love them, but because I do, and I have my reasons (which they don't always need to know), and that's the end of the conversation. (From the reactions I often get when I tell these young adults "no", I seriously don't think they've heard it enough.)
So when I say to my friends, male and female alike, that I admire them for working hard and setting examples for their kids, I'm not just blowing smoke. Again, I have my reasons, even if I don't always explain them.
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