Since I'm An Atheist, Does That Mean I Don't Count????

I received an email yesterday about how politicians have invoked the name of God more and more over the last forty years.  In this email, the author said that it is politically advantageous for politicians to get their constituents to believe that God is somehow on their side, regardless if this God is the hard line authoritative God found in the Old Testament, or the softer, more compassionate God found in the New.  Both Gods have their benefits and their drawbacks, and both are dangerous when tossed into the political mix.

There is a mistaken notion that we were founded as a "Christian" nation; frankly, that's bullshit.  First of all, not all of the Founding Fathers were Christian; some, like George Washington and Thomas Jefferson, were deists (and Benjamin Franklin was in a class all his own).  And of those that were Christian, most believed firmly in the Separation of Church and State.  In fact, in the Treaty of Tripoli, signed by John Adams in 1797, it clearly states that the United States was founded in no way on the Christian religion.  Of course, when I point that out to someone, the first words I almost always hear is: "Then why does it say 'In God We Trust' on our money, and why do we say 'One Nation Under God' in our pledge?"  This is usually followed by a smug look of "I showed you" satisfaction, until I tell this person he or she obviously needs a history lesson, or 20, for that matter.  (Neither phrase is original to the Founding Fathers; "In God We Trust" didn't appear on our currency until 1865, and "Under God" didn't show up in our pledge until 1954.)  And even the phrase "endowed by their creator" found in the Declaration of Independence is not a declaration of God or Christianity, but simply a statement that each person has the right to believe in the creator of his or her choice.  (And if I really want to start a fight, I point out that John Adams was vehemently anti-Catholic; he absolutely hated the Catholic Church.)

Religion has a long and nasty history, and its influence on our nation's legacy is no different; it has been used as justification for slavery and the denial of equal rights for women, among other things.  And it isn't the fault of the religion, but the people claiming it.  So why is the push on again to force it down our throats?  The answer, at least for me, is fairly simple...Religion is a great leash; when someone starts to question, the best answer is: "Because God Said So!", even if God didn't say it at all.  And if a person believes God said it, then he or she is going to look to the candidate who agrees that God said it, even if what God supposedly said is against that person's best interest.  This often leads me to wonder if even half of these politicians believe what they spout from their soapboxes, or if they are just claiming "God" to get elected.

Not only that, but by pandering only to those who "believe" the same way they do, our "elected" officials are discounting entire groups of people; not everyone in this country are of the Christian persuasion.  However, it's like we don't matter (especially the atheists). Oh sure...they will take our donations and they will love our votes, but other than that, they would just assume we didn't exist.  Why?  Because we can't be led around by the "God" ring in the nose.

It's stupid, really; it these people actually thought about it, they would find that atheists are who they want in their corners.  Why? Because we believe what we believe based on our own knowledge, research and ethics, and we don't need a book that can't even keep its own stories straight to justify our stances.  This isn't a conservative or liberal issue, either; we are found on both sides of the political spectrum.  However, if they do cater to us, then we are going to hold them accountable for their platforms, and that's a hard position to be in when you can't just blame God.

Furthermore, by incorporating "God" into your politics, you are leaving yourself open to attack by someone whose definition of God is different than your own.  They may all go by the same name, but they are far from the same entity, and when you start screaming: "God says I'm right!", you are really going to piss off the person who God has told you are full of shit.  History is rife with examples of the dangers of mixing politics and religion, but somehow, we still haven't learned.

Personally, if one of our modern day politicians stood up and said, "I'm an atheist, and proud of it!", I would vote for that person regardless of his or her political leaning.  Why?  Because to do that would take honesty, integrity, and, most importantly, balls, and there is very little, if any, of that left in Washington, or anywhere else.

I Am So Not a "Girl"...

Today a friend and I were talking about shopping for bras; it is an act I detest, but because of a rather sizable weight loss, I am needing to do just that.  Now, I know women who can spend hours in a lingerie store looking and feeling and making sure everything is "just right", and who don't mind having a stranger wrap a tape measure around their boobs so they can be fitted properly, but hey...I'm just not one of them.

I was raised by men (and one very strong willed woman), and somewhere along the line, my "girl" gene got squished.  I really can change a tire, fix the plumbing, change out a battery and build a fence, but I couldn't tell you shit from shinola about how to pick the right shoe, and my style etiquette is nonexistent.  Hell, I don't even wear make up, and I've forgotten how to put on eyeliner (so I just have it tattooed on; makes life so much easier).  I would rather watch football than Sex in the City (that has to be the stupidest, most asinine show ever created), and romantic comedies irritate me to no end; give me a good dose of American Pie any day of the week.  I like to laugh out loud, and the words "meek" and "mild" just aren't in my vocabulary.

I'm not totally out of the loop; I do cook and bake and crochet (which led one friend to quip, "My, that's awfully domestic of you!"), but beyond that, it just doesn't happen.  I am far more impressed with my ability to hook up and back up a trailer, than my ability (ha!) to accessorize.  I love being outdoors, and I don't mind getting dirty (I can shoot, too).

It's funny how this lack of "girlness" can put some guys off; I had one guy I dated actually break up with me because I wasn't "feminine" enough; by the time he got done describing what he wanted in a woman, I decided he wanted a porcelain doll instead (and he married a woman who pretty much fit that bill).  Now, I'm not knocking women who are soft and pretty and feminine, nor the men who want them; but it just cracked me up when one woman, upon finding out I had pulled and replaced a toilet in my rental, asked me why I was doing a "man's" work.  Short answer?  Because I can.  Of course, I know women who could, and would, never do something like that, but I also know men who I wouldn't let near my power tools.

One of the funniest stories I remember had to do with my horse trailer; it was a summer day, and it was hot and miserable and the kids were getting cranky.  As I was pulling out of a parking lot, the damn thing popped the hitch.  So here I am, pretty much blocking traffic, with the tongue of the horse trailer sitting on the ground.  Needless to say, I was not happy. 

Well, across the street from where I was stood a whole group of men; they had seen it happen, but not one of them offered to come give me a hand...instead, they just watched me, waiting for me to come and ask (not gonna happen...sorry to disappoint; my ego is far bigger than yours).  I was standing there deciding what to do to fix the problem when this older lady walked over, pointed at the group of men, who were starting to puff up, and said, "You need to go ask some of those big, strong men to help you."

In hindsight, I know she meant well, and I could have been nicer, but since I was already pissed, and that only served to piss me off more, I reached down, grabbed the trailer tongue, lifted it straight off the ground and slammed it on the hitch.  Then I looked her dead in the eye and said, "The fuck I do."  After that, I proceeded to flip the now deflated group of men off.  She looked at me, and without another word, turned and walked off.  (I know...and yes, my back was a little sore the next day, but it was worth it.)

Sometimes I do wish I had a little more of the girl gene so I could wear make up right, and look "pretty", especially now that I have two girls who are both very girlie (especially the older one; she already has boys calling her and chasing her, and I already have the shotgun ready), but the thought is fleeting.  I don't really want to be that way.  I was always taught not to let a man do for me what I can do for myself, and I won't.  I also figure that if someone is going to like me, it's going to be for who I am, not for who I'm pretending to be.

So hand me the hammer and the nails; I have a fence to build.

One of These Days I Will Learn

To just keep my damn mouth shut.

It is an inevitable discussion with fundamentalists, and even just some Christians in general, and that is your stand on abortion.  With most, it is a black or white issue; you are either for it, or against it, and there are absolutely no shades of gray.  So, of course, when they start cornering me on the issue, I give them a gray area, and 9 times out of 10, it blows up in my face.

I was born before abortion became legal, but I am pretty sure if it had been legal at that time, I would not be here; when I point that out, it leads to the inevitable question:  "Well, since you weren't aborted, and you are here now, aren't you glad abortion wasn't legal?"  After being asked this yesterday for the 100th time, I finally popped off that it sure is a hell of a lot easier being an aborted fetus than an unwanted child.

Which is exactly the wrong tact to take, but this question is one that has no answer, because if I had been aborted, I would have never known.  I'm sure I would have felt something, but it is nothing I would have remembered, obviously, and in reality, the world would have barely been any different had I not been born at all.  This isn't some self pitying declaration; it is just a fact.  There are millions of people in this world who will never care if I exist or not, and the cemeteries are full of people who never impacted my life one way or the other.

On the flip side, being an unwanted child is hell.  I had it tough, but it was nothing in comparison to what I've seen happen to other children, and when I see any child put through that kind of pain, it just kills me.  A child should never have to go hungry, or be hurt by the person or people who are suppose to love and cherish them, and to bring a child into this world, only to inflict that kind of misery on something so innocent...

Of course, when I say that, then I'm just using one excuse to justify this horror known as abortion.  It's fine when they flip it around on me, but I can't do it to them.  Go figure.

Truth be known, I am actually against it.  I could never do it, and have never done it.  Do I want it made illegal? No.  First of all, as I've said before, I don't know anyone else's situation, and I am in no position to judge another's choice.  There are things we don't know and reasons we aren't privy to, and I have no place in that decision, especially when you are dealing with cases of rape and incest.  Besides, women have been finding ways to terminate unwanted pregnancies for centuries; overturning Roe v. Wade isn't going to change that; it's just going to make it a lot more dangerous for the woman.

(Of course, if we weren't such prudes about discussing contraception and safe sex practices, there would be far fewer unwanted and unplanned pregnancies.)

This is a topic in which there is no easy answer, and if I was smart, I'd avoid discussing it with them at all; yet something about the way they crusade it as being against God, when the argument they make isn't even Biblical, then I have a hard time keeping quiet.  It is a case where they've twisted and co-opted the Bible to make it say what they want it to say, when in fact, it doesn't say that at all.

However, this topic just happens to be a little more painful for me than most.

The Difference Between a Father and a Dad

It takes not one hint of talent to spawn; all it takes is the right connection at the right time, and the result pops out somewhere around 9 months later.  This has been proven by the numerous people, both male and female, who have elevated spawning to a level only known in professional athletics.  They hop around from bed to bed without one ounce of concern for what they may be creating.

My own mother was a prime example of this; she spawned me, but had no intentions, and no real ability, to be a mother.  However, unlike many kids in my situation, I was fortunate enough to have someone...

I am adopted, but our connection runs far beyond the point where this man made what had always really been into a legal fact.  He was the first person to hold me after I was born (my mother was higher than Jupiter when she went into labor; I'm lucky I wasn't born in the bathtub), and the one person who has stuck with me through 38 years of ups and downs and twists and turns. 

I am not knocking what my grandparents did for me, either; they had me for a good portion of my young life, and they were the ones who took care of me after one particularly nasty and vicious attempt at parenthood by my mother.  But age takes its toll, and my grandfather was getting very sick.  He wasn't an old man, but a 2 pack a day habit and a job working as a ship welder had destroyed his lungs.  If you throw in a very volatile teenager who was going through hell with her own life, you can see where this could be a devastating combination, and my grandmother was past the point of being able to care for two children.  (My grandfather's one dream was to see me graduate from high school, which he did; but he was dead in less than a year.)  To top it off, my mother had somehow, despite being high, drunk and broke, found her way back, and she was leaving mess after mess for my grandparents to clean up.  (She went through 5 cars in a year and a half.  Amazingly, she even survived driving one off a cliff.)

So my uncle showed up, packed me up, and took me to live with him. 

Now, it wasn't like he already had a wife and kids, and I was joining an established family; he is gay, and at the time, there was no one in his life.  He was also a very high powered businessman who was use to running on the jet set, so to say he was making a sacrifice is a major understatement.  But he did it, and he was good at it.  He made sure I was in a good school, he showed up to every parent/teacher conference, he walked me through algebra (which I have never used once since high school), harassed the boys I dated, survived the first car wreck, and the resulting insurance premiums.  He fed me, clothed me and supported me, and, most importantly, when others had turned their backs, sure I would be nothing but a mirror image of my mother, he never lost faith in me.  And no one yelled louder when I graduated from high school, and did so on the honor roll.  Without him, there is no telling where I'd be now.  Even now, I'm closer to no one else; he is the most important person in my life, and he's helped me become a better parent to my own children.

Dads, and especially the good ones, get shortchanged in our society.  I have gotten to the point where I won't watch a lot of television sitcoms and where I ignore most of the commercials, because it almost always seems like the mother is the strong, organized one who runs everything and keeps the family going, while dad is nothing more than comedy relief...and that's not fair.  (We won't get into the court systems; that's a whole different topic.)  Even if the parents are not together, they are both equally important to a kid, and that fact needs to be recognized and encouraged.  I know men who have given up their lives and moved across the country just so they could be a part of their childrens' lives.  I also know men who are also the better nurturer and caregiver than the mothers, and there is nothing wrong with that.  (Despite the bullshit from the Biblical Manhood and Biblical Womanhood Society, we are not all hardwired to behave a certain way.)

There is nothing more rewarding, and more miserable, than being a parent, and there is no shame in the pride you should feel when this thing that started out as a primal act of nature becomes a healthy, vibrant human being, with, hopefully, all of your best traits, plus a few of his or her own.  (Though there is something to be said for the ego deflation when your kid towers over you by a good six inches, which is what is going to happen to me; my 11 year old is already a full inch taller than I am, and she is nowhere near done growing yet.)  Kids need their moms, and kids need their dads, so they can get the best from both, and if that's not possible for whatever reason, then the parent available had better be ready to step up.

I think we need to take a closer look at just how we treat fathers, because they are so important (and moms are, too; I am not saying anything to the contrary!).  Any creature with testicles can mate and spawn, but it takes a hell of a man to be a dad.

"I'll Pray For You"

The other day, I was having a rather heated discussion with a conservative Christian counterpart, and he popped off at me:

"I'll pray for you, and pray that you at least get an interview to the next $7.25 an hour job you apply for."

I told him to please not bother, because his God had given up on me a long time ago, and while there are plenty of people who need those $7.25 an hour jobs, I happened to not be one of them.

Obviously, his "offer" to pray for me was malicious, but I have been told that before.

"I'll pray for you."

And they do pray for me, or they pay Benny Hinn to do it for them.  They pray that I'll be saved, that I'll see God's light and come back to his truth.  They pray for my soul, my heart, my salvation, and they pray for whatever else they can think of, but I wonder if I ever actually needed any of them to stand up and loan me a dollar, if any of them would.

Someone once said that prayer is the best way to feel like you are doing something, when you are actually doing nothing, and I feel the truest example of this is when someone says he's going to pray for me.  For one, it's a complete waste of time, and for another, if you really want to pray for someone or something, there is enough misery in this world he could devote his prayers to.

So after the sniping was done, I asked my counterpart why he would bother to pray for me at all?  Why not pray for the people in Haiti, who are now fighting Cholera?  Is it because Pat Robertson said they brought this on themselves because they made a pact with the devil in the 1700's to get rid of the French?  What about Zahra Baker, or Caylee Anthony, and the other innocent children who have had their lives cut short by people who were suppose to love and cherish them?  What about the millions dying in Africa from starvation and AIDS?  What about the people in our own towns who can't find work, or a place to live, or a meal?  Why waste a perfectly good ritual on me, when these people need all the help they can get?

I pretty much knew the answer before he said it, but I also knew the truth, or at least my opinion of it.  His answer was the stock one: because everyone needs to be prayed for.  However, I really believe there is another reason they all like to pray for me, and for people like me.

We're safe.  It is easy to project all of the evil in the world onto an atheist or an agnostic, and we are the one time it is good not to get a return on your investment.  If a "Christian" prays for an end to the suffering in Haiti, and nothing happens, it doesn't look or feel too good (although they do pray for the suffering to end, but only in large groups during a television power hour), but if one prays for me, and nothing happens, then he can just chalk it up to the hardening of my heart, the loss of my soul, and so and so forth, and, gosh darnit! He tried!

Don't get me wrong; there are plenty of good people, religious or otherwise, who do far more than pray.  They know they can't fix everything, but they do what they can.  They volunteer at a shelter, they donate to charity, they offer a family a meal.  But people like my counterpart don't strike me as this type.  Instead, they tell you they will pray for you so you know what good Christians they are; they make it a point to let you know they are morally superior to you, but hey...God loves you anyway.  It is this hypocrisy that drove me away from religion in the first place.

If you want to pray for me, fine.  Knock yourself out.  I don't care, because your prayers aren't going to affect me one way or the other; however, if you want me to know what a good person you are, then there's a soup kitchen where you are welcome to join me in the serving line.

Can You Choose Your Family?

I received a phone call the other night which still has me wondering, and maybe a little more than confused.  It was from my Dad, and it was one of those calls that sticks with you, questioning where, exactly, you should go from here.

I've had a very interesting life, to say the least.  While not nearly as twisted as some, my past can still hold its own among the skeletons and ghost stories that seem to haunt so many's lives.

I am the child of a drug addicted alcoholic who had every intention of being everything she could...except a mother; that particular responsibility she left to my grandparents and my uncle.  While it does not shock too many now, in the seventies and early eighties, and especially in the small, conservative town where I grew up, an illegitimate child was pretty much branded one with a giant "B" (for bastard) right in the middle of her forehead.  Add in the drug addicted alcoholic part, and, well, you pretty much get the picture of my childhood.  My grandparents did my best to shield me from it, but the stories were known, and the shadows crept in...

I will never the time when I was in fourth grade when a music teacher made the announcement that my parents were never married; you could hear the silence and feel the stares when she asked me, "Well, where's your dad?"  I said, in all the innocence of a 9 year old who had already been to hell and back, twice, and had the tickets and broken bones to prove it, "I don't know."

And it was the truth, because I didn't.  At that time in my life, I didn't know where he was; I just knew he wasn't really part of my existence.  There had been a man I called "Dad", but I had only met him once, and there was no real bond other than the title; he wasn't even on my birth certificate (and still isn't; that line is blank).  Even as I grew up, we never grew close.  I saw him only a few times over the years; even when I lived in California, only a half hour from his front door, I only think I visited him twice.  By that time, I was nearly 16, my mother had relinquished any and all parental rights, and I had been adopted by my uncle, who, despite the lack of formal address, I consider my father.

When I was in my twenties, certain biological factors came into play which made me question the validity of the paternity at all.  I confronted my mother, who swore at the time he was "the one"; however, later she told me she had also been a prostitute at the time, and there had been five other pregnancies, all which had been terminated by one means or another.  By this point, she was sick, and her addictions had taken their toll; death would find her just two years after she finally confessed everything that I already knew.

So fast forward to the here and now...

This last year has been hell on him; he lost a brother and his mother in a devastating car accident, and a brother-in-law to a sudden illness.  When you throw in the demise of a long standing relationship...well, you get the picture.  He never married, and has no other kids besides me.  He wants, and needs a relationship with me, for whatever it may be, and I think I need it with him.  Don't get me wrong; it isn't guilt, but that need for a connection.  While he will never replace the father I have in my uncle, he is really the only person I've ever called "Dad".

But there is a part that worries me...if I reach out, and if I let the connection build, what happens if he disappears again?  Is it worth the chance?  My friend tells me to take it for what it is; I have become the rock, so to speak - the one others grab onto for stability when their worlds seem to be spinning out of control, and that's what he needs.  But I don't know if I want my stability shaken by letting him closer than the arm's length we've kept each other at all of our lives.  But at the same time, I really do want him to know me and know my kids, because, for whatever it's worth, they are his grandkids.

I've been working this over and worrying it my mind since I talked to him, but perhaps I am putting far too much into it than need be.  Maybe I should take my friend's advice, and let it go wherever it is going to go.  Who knows?  Maybe this time, the relationship is really there, and maybe, just maybe, we can finally be family.

It's All About the Sex!

I like sex; it's fun.  In fact, I love sex, and have been known to get a little kinky on occasion when the mood strikes.  However, my perverted comments on Facebook not withstanding, my sex life, and my reasons for engaging in the practice, are my business.

So why are so many conservative Christians obsessed with it?  Not just mine, but with the sex lives of almost everyone else in this country?  I guess if it feels good, it must be bad.

Sex has long been a "bone" of contention for the fundamentalist sects, although admittedly, it has gone from being strictly about procreation to the union of one husband and one wife in a "spiritual" sense, as long as they leave each and every union open to the "possibility" of conception.  Catholics and Mormons both teach this, and there is a very small, but very vocal faction known as Quiverfulls, who not only support this, but believe it is a woman's duty to submit to the will of her husband and have as many children as God is willing to give them so they can bring forth His holy army.  (Psalm 127: 3-5)

Wait...you've never heard of the Quiverfulls?  Ever heard of the show 19 Kids and Counting?  I hate this show, and all shows like it.  If a woman really wants to be nothing more than a uterus, that's her right, but I am opposed to glorifying this as if it is some blessed way to live.  Childbirth is extremely hard on a woman's body; the more kids you have, the more damage your body sustains.  (A Catholic friend of mine just had her seventh child.  She has been having kidney issues and bladder control issues and a few other pregnancy related problems, so she and her husband as their priest if they could stop having children.  He said God may forgive them for not wanting more, since it was affecting her health.  Really??!!)  And the more children a woman has, the more likely she will need to be dependent on someone else for her support and the support of her children; they are a great way to keep a woman subservient.  In many of the fundamentalist polygamist sects, where women really are nothing more than brood mares, most of the families rely on you and me for their support. 

The churches, and some in particular, have always been obsessed with sex.  As I pointed out once before, there are some 200+ proscriptions in the Bible regarding heterosexual sex, and that's nothing compared to the numerous edicts and declarations regarding this particular pleasure which have come down from religious leaders through the centuries.  For the most part, anything that had to do with sex that didn't also involve conception was just...plain...WRONG...  (Side note - the term "original sin" is not anywhere in the Bible; you can thank St. Augustine of Hippo for that one; while not dealing with the act itself, original sin deals with the fall of man, which introduced death to the human race.  Therefore, the reasoning that we are all conceived in sin does not come from the act of sex, which Augustine, who engaged in it freely and recklessly before his celestial conversion, thought was sinful, but because the fall of man elevated the want for sex, as is hinted at in Genesis 1:28 (be fruitful and multiply) to the need for sex, as if there was no need for it for the thousands of years before the Bible was written.)

Even today, sex is such a point of interest for so many.  Birth control has become a major issue of contention for some; certain religions think birth control is wrong, and therefore, think they should have the right to refuse to sell the pill or condoms, or to provide sterilization services as part of a reproductive health care program.  My answer to this is if you own your own pharmacy or your own health care clinic, fine.  You are under no obligation to provide any of the above, and I will take my business elsewhere.  However, if you are in a publicly funded hospital or clinic, or if you work for a pharmacy that routinely sells these items, you get no such protection.  Besides, why you would want to prevent someone from not bringing another unwanted child into this world is beyond me.  (Although I will make an exception for this on abortion; while I believe it should remain legal, it is not an option I would have ever chosen.  Thankfully, I was never put in that position.)

Another one that cracks me up is masturbation; I cannot believe how many people I hear talk about how "bad" it is.  While we have progressed beyond the blindness/hair on palms prognosis, it is still considered by more than a few to be naughty.  Christine O'Donnell has become a source of great entertainment to many for her stance that masturbation is the same as adultery, because adultery can be committed simply by having lust in your heart, and you have to have that lust in order to masturbate.  (You would be amazed by how many people share this view.)  So for this, I only have one question:  just who, exactly, is the 15 year old boy cheating on when he's in the shower smacking it against the wall?  (There are no concrete proscriptions against masturbation in the Bible, either; the story of Onan doesn't count, and no one knows for sure what the exact translation of 1 Corinthians 6:9 is suppose to be.)

I guess I just find it amazing how something so biological and so natural can be such a source of consternation; I understand the problems with teen pregnancy, unwanted kids (I was one) and STDs, but these things can be addressed, and there is no need to drag "God" into it.  Ignorance is not bliss (although a really good dose of sex is), and we are doing ourselves no favors by pretending otherwise.

I honestly think the reality is the people who are so concerned about everyone else's sex life are the ones who just have a major guilt complex, so here's my thought:  get over it.  You are not going to stop me, nor anyone else, from enjoying it, so do yourself a favor...get in your car, go to the nearest adult store and pick up some lingerie, some handcuffs, some body oils, and maybe even some edible undies (wait - scratch the edible undies; those things taste like shit), and then go home and GET LAID.