It is often asked why bad things happen to good people, and it does seem to be true; there are some people, who, no matter what, just cannot seem to get ahead. I'm not talking about the person who gets lost in a fight with drugs and alcohol, or the one who is just plain stupid with his or her time or money; nor am I talking about the 41 year old who gets nailed with lung cancer out of the blue (which is the reason for the often talked about benefit afghan). I'm talking about the person who gets up every day, goes to work, does his or her very best, and still gets kicked repeatedly in the ass.
On the flip side, there are those who life never seems to touch.
Doesn't it ever make you wonder why? One of my friends said it is because God knows who the strong are, and God will never give you more than you can handle. While I respect her opinion, I don't think this is the case at all.
One thing I have noticed about those who never seem to get ahead of life is that they seem to be the people with the biggest hearts, and the ones who show the most concern for others. Without fail, they are the people who make sure everyone around them is taken care of first, whether it be a spouse, a child, a friend, or sometimes a stranger on the street; meanwhile, they neglect to care for themselves. They are so concerned with meeting the needs of others, they forget their own needs right up until they get blindsided with something they probably should have paid attention to long before it hit. It could be something as simple as an unpaid bill, or as major as a health crisis.
I know people who will be so strapped they are wondering how they are going to make their mortgage payments, but if they have a dollar in their pockets, and they know you are hungry, they will spend that dollar to buy you a hot dog and a something to drink. Or they will give that dollar to the man standing on the street corner with his cardboard sign, telling themselves that no matter how bad they have it, there is always someone who has it worse, even if, in reality, their lives can't get much worse. I don't think they do it to get some sort of reward, or to collect gold coins in Heaven; I honestly believe it just makes them feel good to be a good person. Not only that, but they refuse to be a "burden"; they bottle it, they hide it, and they tell you everything is fine; and they won't ask for help even if you offer it. They just hope (and often pray) that good luck will somehow find them again.
There there are those on the other side of the ring who are just the opposite; they never put themselves at risk or go out on a limb for someone else. They will be your friend, as long as it isn't going to cost them anything, and if they do put themselves out, they are going to expect some sort of return for their investment. To put it succinctly, everything must somehow be about them, for them, and somehow must benefit them, or it isn't worth their time; everything concerning anyone else is always kept at a safe enough distance as to not affect their lives all too much. They never give anything, other than a few dollars in a collection plate or Salvation Army bucket, so they never have anything to lose. Words are actions, and actions are words; they can tell you they are your friend and will be there for you, and that is suppose to suffice without them ever actually having to be there for you. (However, I have also noticed that if drama does hit someone like this, the world must come to a screeching halt immediately, and all activity must cease and desist until such drama has fully played itself out. Your heart may be breaking, but it is nothing compared to the emotional devastation this person is going though! There is just no comparison!)
Obviously, these are vast generalizations, and not everyone falls into these two extremes. There are plenty of people who have managed to reach the happy medium - they can be a friend, loan a few dollars here and there, and cry and get shitfaced with you over the loss of a true love, but they also know when to say no, and they know that sometimes they have to come first, because if they don't take care of themselves, they aren't going to be any good for anyone else. They are just selfish enough, and they are just selfless enough, and they know when to ask for help, and when to take it if it's offered. And when life kick's these people in the ass, it just leaves a bruise, instead of a broken bone.
How does one reach this balance? It's hard to say. I have a hard time letting life take its course if I know there is a way I can help; even with my mother, who many said I should have just written off, I (along with my uncle) made sure she was warm, fed and taken care of for the last years of her life. If the roles had been reversed and I would have needed to be cared for, I doubt she would have done it for me, because she never had before. But it wasn't in my heart to let her suffer; she was sick and she was dying, and I could not find it in myself to walk away. If I had to do it again, nothing would change; the guilt would kill me. Whatever she was - drug addict, alcoholic - she was still my mother. And I am just as protective of the people I truly consider my friends.
(Before you ask, this is addressed in the Bible, but guess what - the Bible is just as ambiguous about the right way to do things as this thread. Nothing solid. Nothing concrete. Nothing to see here, so just move along.)
So I guess I don't know what the answer is, or where the line is drawn, or how to reach that happy medium. All I know is that if life keeps kicking you in the ass, perhaps it's time to take control of it and give it a good, swift kick back.
And if you are one of those people who life never seems to kick, well, consider yourself fortunate. But just remember, when it does, and it will, someone like me will most likely be around to pick you up and dust you off. If nothing else, at least remember to say thank you.
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