I had my ass handed to me last night, and deservedly so.  A friend of mine is going through a crisis in her life, and as a means of support, many of her other friends have said, "I will pray for you," or something to that extent.  So, as I was discussing the situation with a mutual friend of ours, I popped off about how I found it interesting that everyone wants to "pray" for her, when it doesn't do a damn bit of good.  Our mutual friend promptly reminded me that I shouldn't be so harsh, because they feel like it is, and so does she, especially now that her own faith has been shattered. 

And he was absolutely right.

One of the things that has happened with my own journey into atheism, and my battles with "Christians", is that I have become very jaded toward religion as a whole, and that simply isn't fair.  Every entity has its good and its bad, and religion is no different.  My problem is I get so use to dealing with the one type - the holier than thou who swear to be God's personal spokesperson - that I become hard pressed to remember the other...those who simply live what they believe, and who were sincerely offering the prayers of hope for my friend.

Truth be known, Atheism is really no different; there are the militant type who insist everyone knows there is no God, and who willing go to very public war with the likes of James Dobson; and then there are those who are just simply content not to believe.  I fall somewhere in between the two; I'm not going to throw a major fit over the Pledge of Allegiance or "In God We Trust" on the currency, but if you get in my face, I'm going to hand your ass back to you in pieces.  (Mormon missionaries and Jehovah's Witnesses avoid my house at all costs.)

The funny thing is that I have quite a few friends who are Christian (minus the quotations), and they are incredibly good people.  Granted, a few try to talk me into going to church on Sunday, telling me that finding God will help me find peace in my life (to which I tell them I have far more peace in my life now than at any time as a believer), but for the most part, they leave me alone.  They know I don't find the same level of comfort in faith that they do, and with a few exceptions, they seem alright with that.

I think part of the reason I get so wound up is because of my own struggle with letting go of something I knew in my heart I no longer believed.  It was not an easy thing; I had grown up as a Christian, and still clung to the belief that there was something out there who was going to protect me, even as I was getting mentally and emotionally beaten by many who professed to be followers of this all powerful, all knowing and all loving God.  In fact, that is why I became a Biblical scholar; I wanted to be able to defend myself and others against these people, and so I knew what to say when I was told I was going to hell for being a bastard child (that, by the way, is very Biblical - Deuteronomy 23:2), among other things. 

But the more I read, and the more I studied, the less it all began to make sense.  I wanted to understand the purpose for striking down 42 children because they made fun of a bald prophet, or why an innocent baby was killed as a punishment for the actions of grown man.  I couldn't digest that women were nothing.  I was baffled as to why people were put to death for nothing more than saying the wrong thing...none of these things were anything we were taught about in Sunday School or what was conveyed when we sang "Jesus Loves Me".  I finally realized it was all bullshit, but I still was reluctant to let go of "God"; instead, I just blamed it all on the authors of this so called Holy Book.  In fact, I was in my mid-thirties when I finally realized there was nothing left of what I had once called faith; honestly, that realization brought far more comfort to me than anything related to religion, because for the first time in my life, I knew that I, alone, was fully responsible for who I was and what I became...God had nothing to do with it.

However, that doesn't give me the right to be so hard on people who have their faith.  It's a hard lesson to learn, and a difficult balance to achieve, that trick of defending yourself against judgment, while not becoming judgmental, and I haven't quite gotten there.  These people meant nothing bad by wanting to pray for my friend; they were just offering what they could.  Instead of being such a shit about it, I should have been hoping she could garner strength from the thought that there were people willing to ask God to help.  She needs support, and they can give her that support in a way I can't.  Oh, I can joke with her and make her laugh, and I could be on her doorstep tomorrow to be a rock for her, but I can't, and I won't, pray for her.

So instead, I will just be there for her in my way, and let them be there for her in theirs; maybe between us all, we can see her through it, and our old friend will be back to her crazy self once again.