It has been one of those days when I wonder if sometimes I am not too "tough" for my own good;  I am stubborn and hardheaded and everything else that is suppose to go with my birth sign (Taurus - not that I believe in that, either).  Saturday, a mouse decided to make a feast on one of the power connections in my stove, and the stove repaid this poor mouse by catching on fire and turning it into BBQ rodent.  While the mouse disposal, while rather cruel, was all well and good, it left me without a stove.  So yesterday I had to go buy a new stove, which I brought home and installed, and today, I had to take the old stove to the dump.

Another one of my friends promptly gave me grief over loading this stove into the back of my truck by myself and hauling it to the dump, where I unloaded it...by myself.  It is a conversation she and I have had more than once before, and it usually culminates in me being told that I need to learn to play my "woman card".  First of all, I am not sure exactly what this "woman card" is (although I have read about it), and secondly, I don't think I'd know how to play it, even if I had it; it is just not in my nature to play "weak" or "vulnerable".

This isn't to say that I don't ever need help, and wouldn't like it on occasion, but I don't know how to ask for it, and I don't want to have to ask for it.  It doesn't matter to me if it is of a physical nature, or of an emotional nature (or a mental nature, as the case may be); I am simply not the type to ask someone to be there for me, nor am I the type to expect it.  I guess I have gotten to the point where the thought of relying on another person scares me.  I have become so use to doing everything that almost everyone around me has become use to it as well, and they have become comfortable with doing nothing at all.

My friend is a princess, and she expects to be treated as such.  Granted, she does not have my physical strength, and she simply isn't capable of doing even half of what I do (a lot of which I enjoy, honestly).  But there is more than just the physical aspect; she demands respect and support from her husband (and she gives a lot back in return).  She enjoys the wine, the flowers and the thought of him drawing her a bubble bath in the evening so she can relax.  He really does treat her like a queen, complete with pedestal, and she revels in that role.

But, honestly, that isn't what I want, or need, from the man who is with me.  I don't drink wine, I don't wear jewelry, and flowers die.  Hot baths are nice, but I'd really rather share it, without the bubbles.  I also don't care for pedestals; I have found them to be cold and drafty places...I don't want to have someone looking up at me; I want someone who is right beside me.  And I need someone who is going to realize that I'm not always as tough as I seem.  I want someone who is going to appreciate me and care for me, and maybe fix me a cup of coffee sometimes in the morning.  I want a partner; I don't need a prince.

Granted, I am a smart ass and can flip shit with the best of them, but if I'm with you, I will give whatever I have to make your life better (and I treat the people I consider friends the same way); however, if I have to ask for that cup of coffee in the morning, I'm just going to go get it myself.