The "Price" of Friendship

It is a sentiment I hear all too often, and on both sides of the scene; friendship always seems to come with a price.  It doesn't seem to matter, either, if you are on the "giving" end, or the "receiving" end of the friendship; it somehow ends up costing you, whether that cost is mental or emotional (or, least important, monetary).  This is a tough edict for me to accept, because I was always taught true friendship came without any strings attached.

My grandfather once told me that on the day of your death, if you could count the number of true friends on one hand, you would die a wealthy person, and I believe that, and I am very fortunate to say that I have that very number of people I consider my friends, plus one or two more.  For me, it is far less about the accumulation, and far more about the asset.

My oldest daughter is in the process of learning this lesson herself; she told me last night that sometimes she feels "used" by her some of her friends, because all they seem to want is for her to do things for them, but never with them.  I told her not to do whatever it is they keep asking her to do, to which she answered with what has to be a standard 11 year old response: "But then they won't like me."

I bit back my initial retort, which was basically to tell these people to go fuck themselves, because I knew that really wasn't the answer, and would do nothing to help her.  It is hard, regardless of one's age, to not be "liked"; I know plenty of adults who still go out of their way to do something for someone else just so they feel "liked".  So, instead, I asked her, "Does *this person* make you feel this way?  How about that person?"  We went through her list, and when we were done, I told her to look at the people who she felt good when she was around, and consider them as her friends, and to keep the rest at a distance.  I told her it wasn't necessary to be mean or rude, and it was fine to be friendly; however, just don't expect them to be part of her circle, and don't worry so much about whether they "like" her.  Will she listen?  Hard to say, but it was the best answer I could give.

I think part of the problem is that friendship, like so many other things, has been cheapened to the point where no one recognizes it anymore.  We've turned choosing friends into nothing more than any other TV dating show (personally, if I was Paris Hilton's "bff", I would tell her to pull her head out of her ass and grow the fuck up).  There seems to be no value in having a friend, or being a friend.

And that's bullshit.

Personally, I'm not a "cosmetic" friend; if I am going to be someone's friend, I want that person to know I will gladly put myself on the line for that person, and I don't expect anything in return.  My grandmother was firmly convinced that the only way to have friends is to be a friend, and I have no problem being that friend.  Of course I have been burned, but who hasn't?  It just keeps from becoming too complacent and from taking those I do consider my friends for granted.

Besides, who knows?  Maybe someday one of those people who I hold so close will be that friend for me.