Too many times it seems, as I have stated previously, we are suppose to take responsibility for the bad and give God the credit for the good; however, there is one time where this sense of twisted logic does not come into play, and that is when someone loses a baby.  I have heard it said more than once to parents who are in the midst of mind numbing grief because they have lost a child that these things happen for a reason, and God must have had a plan.

The sad thing is that I don't think the person who is offering this sentiment as a means of comfort realizes how this only makes the loss hurt even worse; no one wants to think that a good and loving God would willingly put anyone through this kind of torture.  While I have never had to endure this first hand, I cannot believe there is an equivalent to losing a child, especially when you have wanted and hoped for this little thing to come into your life, only to have it yanked from you, sometimes with no explanation.

Not only that, but the concept of a plan loses its cohesiveness when put into perspective; why is it that good people who want nothing more to be parents find themselves unable to conceive, or worse, end up losing a baby, while some argument for forced sterilization spawns another child he has no intention of supporting, or pops out her 8th drug addicted ward of the state?  Where is the reasoning behind this?  What, exactly, is the plan?

Perhaps the reason this is said is because the person standing by witnessing the grief doesn't know what else to say; death in any circumstance is hard to deal with, and people often look to whatever faith they have to help them endure.  But often when one is dealing with the death of someone else's child, then his own faith is questioned and challenged, and he seeks to reaffirm his beliefs by conveying that God wouldn't have done this without a reason...right??!!

Truth is, at least in my mind, that there really is no reason and there is no plan; it simply just happens.  It is an unfortunate fact that sometimes those who deserve the tragedies of life the least are the ones who get hit the hardest by them, and that includes babies and those who lose them.  Nobody ever wants to go through this kind of heartbreak, but, unfortunately, some will.  I guess the best we can do is to not offer thoughts of plans and reasons (or that at least you still have...; having one child never compensates for the loss of another.  The void is still there, and is still as painful), but to simply say, I'm sorry, and I'm here for you.

There is nothing on this earth that will ever take the place of just being a friend.