A very curious thing happened the other day; I had not participated in the religion and faith forum I belong to for about a week, so I thought I'd check in.  As I was reading through one of the threads, I caught a dig at me and at my blog; one of the other members, the one who said he would pray that I would at least get an interview for the next $7.25 an hour job I applied for, accused me of "skewering" what he said, and "warned" the other members of the group to be careful of what they said to me, because I would turn it around on my blog.

I about fell off my chair laughing.

First of all, I have never hidden the fact that I write a blog, and secondly, when I ask this groups opinions on certain issues, I let them know I may use it in the blog.  It should be noted that this particular member and I, however, constantly go rounds.  He is, without a doubt, one of the more fundamentalist members of the group, and I, without a doubt, am not.  If there is a fight to be had, we have had it.

Truth be known, I don't think he's a bad guy; but I do believe his "version" of things are as skewered as he accuses me of being.  He is one of those people who grew up in faith, kind of lost it for a while, and then gained it back with a ferocity usually only found in a predator/prey situation.  I have no doubt he truly believes what he says, repeatedly, over and over, and then a few more times just in case we all missed it the during the previous 500 statements, but he does so with such a rigidity that he often leaves no room for discussion.  This means that what could be a well rounded debate turns into a battle with neither side gaining ground.  (And rarely is there a discussion that doesn't include at least one reference to the fourth turning, to someone's personal life, or to the internal vs. external locus of control, which has led me to wanting to tell him to take his locus and shove it internally up his control.)

I think part of the problem, though, is that I, along with some of the other atheists in this group, are just as rigid and unforgiving.  He is far from the only person I have engaged in extremely heated discussions with; however, many of them tend to retain some level of cordiality, even when there is absolutely no chance of agreement.  Yet there is very little of that with this particular person, and to say putting us in a room together and locking the door would be a bad idea is the absolute understatement of the year.

But that's not good, either, because, as someone whom I've grown to care for quite dearly and whose opinion I do respect a lot, reminded me once before, when I get to the point where I can no longer give room for their beliefs and opinions, then I really become no different than the people whose absolutely rigid fundamentalist views drive me crazy.  (Ding, I know you are reading this, and are sure you know whom I am referring to, but it isn't, and if you still think it is, you can go fly.)  Of course, my friend was referring more to the people who offer prayers and support as a genuine aspect of their faith, but it applies here as well.  If we both just want to spout our side without respecting the side of the other, then there will never be conversation, and without conversation, there cannot be consensus, and without consensus, there can be no balance, and without balance...well, you get the idea.

Truth be known, there are several members of this group who, while I may not agree with their views, I have a great deal of respect for.  They are just good people overall, and when they offer something, the try to keep it positive (they also tend to stay out of the more intense conversations).  I could probably learn from them if I would let go of some of this ego of mine; in fact, all of us fundamentalists on either side could.

Maybe if I took a page from their book, I could be part of the solution, instead of just the catalyst for an argument.